Is the romance in your relationship as vibrant as it once was? If it isn’t, there is nothing wrong with your relationship! It is normal for that passion to dissipate as the relationship matures. Now before you get depressed thinking you will never again have passion or you need a new relationship to have it again, keep reading. Creating passion takes work. If you are a hopeless romantic and think that sounds cold, give me just a second before you stop reading. You might have attraction at first sight, but real love something quite different. You see real love takes pursuit. You have to act to start love and keep it alive.
When I began dating my wife, I pursued her. I took her to restaurants (and paid btw), wrote her notes, and just talked for hours about life and our dreams. These actions stirred passion and took time and planning. So what do you do when that passion or spark isn’t there and you want it back?
1. Have Fun
Go do something fun you both enjoy. Go to a place where you can laugh and have some light hearted conversation. Do try to win if it is competitive. Look for ways to flirt. Oh some flirting advice… the way you like to be flirted with is NOT how they like to be flirted with. So guys lets flirt on her terms. Laughter is so important in keeping passion alive. So let loose and have fun.
2. Quality Time
Dinner and a movie can really put a lid on your conversation. The real conversations are often hard for people to have when there are tables and listening ears around. If you talk at the movie everyone around you hates you. I like to think intimacy is like it sounds: “in to me see.” Passion over time is linked to sharing your dreams, pains, feelings, and hopes. It is some of the deepest parts of who we are and the only way for that to be shared is making space for quality time.
3. Communicate What You Want
Romance looks different for everyone. Your special someone is not a mind reader. They need you to share with them what romance looks like to you. Just because they can’t read your mind does not mean they don’t “get you.” And no, just because you can’t read their mind doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. When your special someone tries and misses that is NOT your moment to tell them. Be grateful you have someone who is trying to pursue you. So let your someone know what makes you tick.
4. Keep “Pursuit” Alive
Pursuit takes time and planning. Your special someone feels valued by your time. I know I put a lot of time and passion into Vibrant. My wife feels greatly valued when I choose the restaurant and plan the date. She likes it when I randomly dance with her inside of a store or our kitchen. She likes it when I call her in the middle of the day just to check in on how she is doing. It lets her know, though I am working hard, I am still thinking about her. Pursuit takes intentionality and consistent pursuit will keep romance alive.
5. Budget for Romance
I know this doesn’t sound sexy. There are so many things in our lives looking for our hard earned money. To have a three day get away, go to the nice restaurant, or even to just date regularly, it will take investment. If you make a million dollars this year and lose the relationship, you didn’t win. Every month we put money in an envelope so we can regularly date. Put money in for someone to watch the kids. Dating does not have to be expensive, but it will cost you something and it is worth investing in.
I hope this helps you keep the romance alive or put a new spark in it. Today do something even if it feels small to pursue. If you would like to hear more about how to have healthy relationships. Starting September 15th, we will begin a new teaching series called #RelationshipGoals. We would love to help you navigate healthy dating and marriage. Relationships are hard, so let’s set some goals together.
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